I have no idea what I was here for.
I think this a lot lately, walking into rooms, my brain and limbs heavy with purpose that vanishes the minute I cross the threshold of the door.
I’m tired, and things are often blurry. I sleep in six hour chunks, wake up to send three emails, and go back to sleep for an hour.
I am literally not complaining. I have the two best business partners in the business partner business. We are all being reborn through the terror of Starting Your Own Shit. None of us sleep. We all worry. We log into our bank accounts more than is healthy. I log into so many online project management tools, draft so many emails, write so many service agreements, that eventually using a computer—like saying the word ‘spoon’ over and over again—takes on an absurd quality; I think to myself ‘hahaha I am pounding on a piece of metal and glass with my fingers to make words hahahaha I need coffee’.
I long to write code. I miss making tiny pieces of pixel art. But I’m paving the road to that place by becoming this weird Business Person®. Once the road is built there will be long, uninterrupted hours of color comparison and of SCSS. There’s some now.
I literally have no idea how to plan all of these projects. The individual steps, yes. Planning them all? So they can get done on time by two humans? No idea.
Glorious fucking problem.
I’m not a founder of something. I’m just a dude. I’m a dude who eats fear and makes it into srs bzns.
What was I doing here again?